


Waiting outside your door

by sapphirae_escapist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Creatures & Monsters, Alternate Universe - Dragons, Angst, Cuddling, Dragon!Cas, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Schmoop, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Worth Issues, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-02
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-02-11 11:06:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2065773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphirae_escapist/pseuds/sapphirae_escapist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is the unlucky virgin sacrifice, Cas is the dragon to eat him.<br/>Except, of course, Dean is not a virgin and he soon learns that Cas doesn't eat humans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It is bucking and braying and pawing at the floor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [saule](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saule/gifts).



> Since dragons have always been my favourite things I found my soft spot with dragon!Cas, and there aren't enough fanfiction in the genre so... behold.  
> I got inspired by the finished dragon!Cas fics, and mostly by Novachester's fic here: http://novachester.tumblr.com/post/78494336176/im-sitting-here-thinking-about-all-the-ways-dean But really, her dragon!cas tag is so wonderful it's really worth reading through.
> 
> Also eventually this work has been gifted to Saule, so happy belated GISHWHES! :) I hope you like it.

When Dean wakes up first he has no idea where he is.

It’s oddly quiet around him, with only a light breeze brushing the leaves of the trees.

He opens his eyes and tries to rub his hands against his face when a jolting pain in his arms and legs has him cry out.

Oh. The pain. How could he forget.

He is roped to a pole in the middle of the forest.

He’s been there for hours, at least- he remembers the ritual taking place before sunset, but now it’s the cold hours after midnight but before dawn, and the moon is already halfway across the sky...

He must have woken up to the pain. Hours roped to a pole with no moving place at all do that to you.

Years of experience tell him he must have blacked out from the pain, too, because his wrists feel bloody. He was trying to free himself. It apparently didn’t work.

He hates his town even more now than he did before.

He tries again, but the ties are too good, too expert, too neat, he stands no chance. Still, he won’t go down without trying.

 

A fierce roar echoes through the night, making the trees and his pole shake from the force of it, as if it were trying to warn away everything. Well, there’s really no need for that as the woods are empty from all humans and animals, save Dean.

Save Dean. Yeah, someone could really humor him.

He’s not really a virgin sacrifice- he’s far from virgin, has been for more than a decade, and the village despises the word ‘sacrifice’. They call it ‘peace offering to show gratitude and ensure friendship’ with the beast that have announced its presence by the roar already.

Dean calls it bullshit.

Yet still here he is, because he fucked up good and didn’t realize it in time to make a move and run for his life.

He rubs against the ropes faster and tries to comfort himself with the thought that at least it’s not Sam in his place.

 

First a giant shadow blocks the moon above him as it passes over the sky. Then he hears the flaps of what must be giant wings, though he’s not speaking from experience- after the ritual is done once (or sometimes twice) each year the people of the village run for cover, not wanting to be around when the thing arrives. Dean was no exception on those rare occasions he was forced to witness the madness.

The ground shakes as something huge lands on it. He hears the rustle of the grass and fallen leaves as the beast moves around to the clearing Dean is placed on, but it still is out of sight.

Dean is not sure if he is thankful for that. He is sweating and shaking a little bit- sure, he has faced dangers and was the first in line when it came to bravery bordering stupidity, but this is different. He is tied to a rope, lacks all weapons, and is sore from the ropes cutting to his flesh. Plus, he is about to face a giant-sized _dragon_ that is here to eat him. If he can’t get loose (which, he supposes, is the case this time) he’d rather be over with the dying part already, thank you very much. This waiting and guessing is worse than probably anything he’s ever been trough.

He’s so lost in his pathetic thoughts that first he doesn’t even catch sight of the pair of incredibly blue eyes _staring_ at him from the cover of the trees.

Dean freezes.

He’s beyond hope this time - this must be the beast.

He takes a deep breath and braces himself.

‘Well come on, you ugly sonofabitch’ he calls out, before he has the mind to stop himself. ‘Wha’cha waiting for?!’

From the shift of the eyes Dean guesses the beast tilts his head to the left and blinks. Then it moves, slowly but steadily, and moonlight shines upon it as it gets to the clearing.

It’s fucking _huge_. It’s massive, long head is about twice the size of Dean’s whole body, not counting the sharp horns on each side and the back. And it keeps on coming and coming but the tail is still beneath the trees, it’s body is so long it doesn’t even fit to the clearing.

Dean is so fucking fucked.

He wishes he could just pass out, but he’s not that lucky.

When the beast comes close he can see more and more details that he wants not to see, like the spikes on its back and the long claws and the strong muscles. He’s not sure of the color, though. Seems black, but that could only be the night light doing.

The blue piercing eyes never leave his own and Dean swallows as the dragon lowers its head and--- _sniffs_ him.

‘What’ is the only thing his mind can come up with, but then it dawns on him. He’s food. The beast is just making sure he’s edible.

‘Oh c’mon’ he mutters to himself, but the dragon stills so it must have heard too. ‘Just get it over with, I’m not poison. I’ve been cleansed for days before they brought me here’ he doesn’t want to share this piece of information, and he definitely doesn’t want to think of it, because being with Alastair was nothing like cleansing, but it’s too late.

The dragon draws back and growls. Dean’s sure his heart couldn’t go faster or it would jump out of his chest, but apparently he’s wrong again because when the dragon’s head snaps towards him he lets out a manly yelp and blacks out, thankfully.

 

When he comes to mind next time he doesn’t need time or movement to remember what happened previously. He sits right up, and blinks around to check his surroundings.

He is no longer tied up. The pole is gone, and so is the forest- he is in a large room without windows, so large he guesses even the dragon would fit in. But the thing is nowhere in sight as it turns out.

Dean realizes he is cocooned, or was until he sat up, in a soft fur, probably bear by the color and touch of it. His legs are still sore, his arms slightly trembling, but his wrists are-- his wrists are covered in some weird green mixture of herbs. He smells it and realizes it to be roughly the same he himself used to use on injuries. It’s covered in big green leaves that are mostly dried, and he doesn’t poke more. He doesn’t understand why anyone would want to cure him, but he’s not ungrateful.

He gets to his feet and checks the room. The walls are rough, with marks of claws on it- was a dragon or something equally horrifying held captive here? The cob ground is easy to walk on and solid. There are neither windows, nor anything else really, just the pile of fur he climbed out of. And a hole in one wall without a door or a doorframe, but that is where the light is coming from.

Dean goes for it. He has no idea where he is, where the dragon is, and he really doesn’t want to find out. He wants to leave like yesterday.

He gets to a corridor, same walls, same ground, same sizes- it looks like they were _crawled_ in, but in what he can’t tell. Still no windows, so he turns right because more light is coming from that way.

On the next turn he sees the sky above him. Well, the sky and the ceiling, because there are windows carved above his head, like forty feet up high. The sun is already up high, so he must have slept through the rest of day and is already tired of dehydration and lack of food, plus the stress and pain of the previous day, but he doesn’t wait.

He goes on and on, trying to remember the way he came from but his mind is foggy and this place is like a friggin’ labyrinth. If there are opening to the outside they are too high to reach, and there are no door whatsoever, just large holes and walls and no weapons. Not like he expected a magical dragon-slaying sword in the possible lair of a dragon, but one never knows.

He doesn’t know how long he wanders, or how loud the sounds he makes are, but he tries to keep it down. He’s sweating after climbing some stairs, then descend the next corner, and is about to give up already and make peace with death when he reaches the largest room so far.

Its whole side is missing, letting the light flow through the many corridors starting here. As he moves to the opening and drinks in the view before him, he realizes where he is.

It’s an odd mixture between a castle and a cave. It’s carved in the side of a mountain, and is so far above the normal ground level that the nearest trees basically under his feet look like the size of his thumb.

The room ends abruptly, and there is no stairs or anything, just the straight wall down, then the rocks of the hill.

But of course, dragons can fly in and out as they wish.

Humans can’t, though.

He’s sure now that it is a dragon’s, or possibly more dragons’ lair, not built for humans. He doesn’t realize the surrounding smaller hills and valleys, so he must be pretty fucking far away from home.

Home. Well, the place you got stuck after your family fell to pieces.

He’d probably die if he fell down on that edge. He’s already dizzy, apparently he hates heights.

But which is worse, staying here for dragon food or getting smashed on the rocks beyond?

Well, depends; which would kill you faster?

 

As if on a cue, a loud roar vibrates through the castle-cave, a roar Dean has heard before. His instincts kick in instantly; he takes a step and launches himself into air.

‘This was a stupid idea’, his brain supplies too late but only a fearful scream leaves his mouth. He’s going to die, he’s going to crash, the rocks are getting bigger and sharper and closer incredibly fast and it’s a wonder he’s still alive, but he’s going to see Mom so---

No, he won’t. Not now, anyway.

A huge, clawed paw grabs him and he is lifted violently up again. He turns his head as much as he can to see the dragon, and now that he’s not falling again he can hear the flaps.

Those wings are huge.

The dragon takes him back towards the room he fell out from, but doesn’t stop there. The fly in deeper and deeper, and Dean again has no idea where he is when they land.

He braces himself for a crash, or the tear of teeth, or anything, but nothing like that comes.

He is put down gently, and the beast withdraws a good few feet and just _looks_ at him.

Dean stands up, legs shaking, but he grabs hold of the wall for support and faces the thing.

It’s still huge, but not black. Well, mostly black, yes, but with dark blue and dark purple scales scattered everywhere that flash in the light coming from the window above them. He’s sure it’s wings are scaled too, but now those are folded against its back. Its huge tail is waggling behind it on the floor.

‘What do you want from me?’ Dean manages after thirty seconds of intense glaring.

Dean doesn’t know what he expects, again, but for the dragon to lower its head and look astray isn’t it. It looks back at Dean instantly, and it suddenly looks sad.

Dean knows it’s not supposed to look sad. But animals can do that, sometimes, though he mostly experienced it with Impala, his awesome horse before he sent her off with Sam on her back, but sometimes cats or dogs too had that look on them, the look that you could write books about. Or well, Sam could.

But it’s a dragon, a huge man-eating lizard, and it looks sad.

Then it waves its head to the direction on Dean’s right, opposite from the direction they flew from.

Dean risks a glance, and gasps- there’s a hole, a dragon-sized hole in the wall, and it even has a door but it’s open, and Dean can see the open sky and land through it.

He looks back at the dragon. The thing looks withdrawn upon itself, but sensing Dean’s glance it looks up and waves again.

Dean limps to the door, and looks out.

It’s not a door to thin air, like the other one he came across, and there’s a path starting outside the cave. The trees start a few feet away, and Dean is certain they hide the entrance from sight above if you don’t look close enough.

He turns back to the black thing.

‘Do you want to chase me?’

The dragon looks offended- outright _offended_ \- and shakes its eighteen-foot long head.

‘Do you even understand what I’m saying?’ Dean goes on, unbelieving.

The dragon scoffs and nods.

‘Then why---’ he’s cut off when the dragon is suddenly beside him, and nudges him with its head.

The scales are dry and warm.

Dean takes a tentative step to get rid of the dragon, but still doesn’t believe.

‘You- are you letting me go?’

The dragon sits back, closer than before and nods, looking smug now that finally it’s will is understood.

_‘Why_?’ Dean has his hands on his hips without thinking, forgetting about his wrists and the leaves which rustle at the sudden movement. Most of them have fallen off as he did his air dive, he notes.

The dragon squints, blue eyes narrow on him. He waves, fiercer than before.

‘But I don’t understand. You eat people. You eat our sacrifices every year.’

The dragon is shaking its head so fast Dean’s sure it’ll get dizzy.

Dean must be looking disbelieving, because the dragon just sighs, like, literally puffs out a breath of air and waves again with its head at Dean, though this time it’s towards the opposite direction, and before Dean can react the beast is already on four feet and moving along the corridor, away from Dean.

He is not sure what is happening. No, lie. He has absolutely no idea what is happening. Is he free to go?

He looks at the path and trees, still at the doorway.

Half an hour ago he threw himself out of a window to get away from this place, what is he waiting for?

But half an hour ago those blue eyes didn’t look sad, and that black creature didn’t say (or show, or sign or whatever) that it didn’t want humans.

And Dean’s totally not believing it, because it’s against everything he’s ever known or learned about nature’s ways.

So when he turns from the door and follows the huge lizard waiting fom him at the first corner he tells himself it’s because if he’s being eaten alive, he’s not gonna tire himself with walking or running from it, but he’d go head first and face what’s coming, like he was always taught to.

 

The dragon leads him up some stairs. They are big and made for dragon-sized creatures and hard to climb; then there are corridors, chambers, windows... Dean has no hope of finding the way back on his own if it ever came to that. But the dragon goes slow, making sure that Dean can fall into step behind him after it has realized Dean is coming.

Then one thing strikes Dean- there is no furniture. Well he supposes dragons don’t need much, but still. There’s nothing. All the chambers, all the walls, everything- it’s completely empty.

‘Dude’ Dean says, and has those blue eyes on him in an instant. ‘Doesn’t your kind hoard stuff?’

There’s the head tilting again, and the dragon shrugs one shoulder.

‘Oh, c’mon, it is something embarrassing?’ Dean finds himself grinning, and then mentally kicking himself for teasing a _dragon_. But he knew that purposely nonchalant expression in those eyes.

The dragon growls and sets to a faster pace so Dean has to jog to keep up.

He wonders where they’re going, and if he’s going to survive this whole adventure, and what could possibly be embarrassing for a dragon to hoard- Dean knows for a fact that all dragons are hoarders, but what they hoard differ from dragon to dragon- when he realizes the creature stopped.

They’re in front of a door. An actual door with a doorknob and lock and doorframe and all. The second one Dean’s seen here.

The dragon can still fit through it, though it has to crouch a bit after it pushed it in with its nose.

Dean follows.

The door leads to another stairway that ends in a trap door. The dragons and Dean both climb through it.

He has to blink many times to get acclimatized to the bright light above his head. There no walls around him, not near enough anyway, though the steep hillside on the north side blocks the view from the eye, but not the sunlight.

He is in a garden, his mind supplies when the light is no longer blinding. The ground beneath his feet feels different than of the inside, it is brown soil, and a nice amount of plants grew in it. It goes on to the north from the hillside to east and south to the walls, but it looks like this is the actual roof of the cave on that part. The west is open, so Dean guesses that’s where the dragon takes off if it wishes just after gardening.

Gardening.

A gardening dragon.

A dragon doing gardening.

He recognizes most of the plants around him, though there are some that he’s seen nothing to the likes of- one has red leaves the size of his own head, and some have spikes or odd dots or are just different from size than the ones he’s used to.

All in all, it’s pretty amazing.

The air is a bit chilly and windy up high so far, so they don’t get burnt, and there are some evergreens to give shade in every few row, and they are actually a bit shorter than Dean and they don’t block much of the view. The rows are spacey, so the dragon can maneuver its large body without causing damage.

It sits and looks expectantly at Dean.

‘This is what you hoard?’

Shake of head, then its right front foot touches its belly and mouth.

‘It’s what you eat?’ Dean feels his eyes go wide.

Enthusiastic nod of the head. The dragon goes to a big bushy herb Dean’s never seen before and chews on a branch, looking at ease.

‘You... but you eat meat, right? I mean, you’re a dragon.’

At that the creature fixes Dean with a long stare. Then it nods, slowly, but like it is against its better judgment. Not wanting to or just being unable to elaborate it turns and leaves, but before Dean decides if he wants to follow or not the dragon is back with some green leaves in his pawn. He lets it fall to Dean’s feet and brings one sharp claw to his wrists.

Dean jerks back before they can touch though, and the dragon looks crestfallen.

Guilt bubbles up in Dean, no matter how hard he tries to swallow it down.

‘Sorry’ he says, quietly, but remains where he is, out of touch. Of course, if the giant reptile decides to make a move he would have no chance, but things like logic never stopped Dean from doing something. ‘Will you rip it off if I, um...’ he doesn’t have a clue on how he planned to finish that, but he doesn’t have to. The dragon shakes its head, and leans forward but his paws remain glued to the ground.

He’s letting Dean make a move. Smart.

Dean thinks it through, and decides that the dragon hasn’t done any harm to him so far, and if it wanted to it could without his consent anyway, so he steps tentatively towards the creature and lifts his left hand.

The dragon takes it into its front paws, lightly, and the warm touch is foreign but not bad. Then it chooses a few leaves from the ground and rolls them around Dean’s wrist. It’s amazing, watching him using those sharp claws as humans use fingers. The fresh herbs cool Dean’s healing wounds instantly, and he doesn’t even care about not knowing their names.

The dragon then asks for his other hand with open paws, and Dean complies. When they are done Dean is honestly surprised (and relieved) to find that he doesn’t have any new scratches.

‘Thank you’ he says sincerely to the dragon, and realizes he doesn’t know its name. ‘Do you have a name?’

The dragon tilts its head to the left and nods.

‘Can you tell me?’

The dragon hesitates, then with one sharp claw draws three symbols to the ground. One looks like a half circle, the middle one is a weird messed-up triangle and the last one is a snake.

Dean knows they are called letters and some people can read them, but he’s not one of them.

When he looks up to the dragon he realizes he should have said something because it looks hurt.

‘I... I can’t read that’ Dean mutters and averts his eyes.

It was always Sam who learned those things, books and numbers and letters, from Pastor Jim, while Dean was out working and earning money so they wouldn’t end up starved to death or frozen to death or anything like that when the winter season arrived. His own father never cared about his studies, as Pastor Jim called it, and by the time they were left with the old cleric he was already too old to study and had to work.

And there was no need, really, although he would have liked to impress some ladies with his reading skills. Sam always did that. And all the nice girls learned to read and write, so he didn’t go after nice ladies that often afterwards.

The dragon nudges Dean with its nose, and still has that sad look in its eyes when Dean looks up. He gets the meaning of the nudging, though, after a while.

‘I’m Dean’ he introduces himself, and the dragon’s eyes light up to that. It pulls it’s paw over the ground to erase the letters, and draws four new symbols instead- one of them, the third one is the same weird triangle that was in the dragon’s name as well. The first is a circle with a straight side, then there is a funny one with three lines connected with a fourth, and the last is three lines again but in a different constellation.

The dragon practically beams at Dean, and lays his head beside the four letters, eyes never leaving Dean’s.

‘That’s it? That’s my name? Dean?’

The dragon, still lying, nods.

‘Well I’m sorry I can’t read yours’, but to that the dragon only shrugs and looks back to the four letters. ‘But... if it’s not too much... are you a male dragon?’ Dean’s afraid he’s stepped over a line the moment the words are out, but the dragon nods again, and Dean lets out a relieved sigh. He’s not getting eaten alive for stupid misguessings.

The dragon’s eyes smile at Dean, and he finds it hard not to smile back.

 

They walk back to the door on the same way they came from, but this time Dean’s not afraid to be side by side with the dragon. He’s actually disappointed for not finding out it’s -not, _his_ \- name, because always calling him dragon sucks. Unless his name is Dragon, but that would be stupid.

Why on earth would he be calling him any name, after all? He’s leaving. For good.

The door appears at the end of the corridor, and Dean’s stomach clenches with every step he takes. He doesn’t understand- he wants to leave, doesn’t he?

But for what? He has no family. Sam is away, studying, and isn’t likely to come back. He probably has no idea that Dean was supposedly sacrificed. Mom is dead and Dad... well, Dad is Dad. They haven’t seen him, haven’t heard from him in years.

And that’s all. He doesn’t have friends, because he’s the village’s troublemaker, he doesn’t have a pretty lady at home because he goes after skirts but never gets committed and Uncle Bobby lives days of journeys away. He has no home apart from his kid brother and horse that he sent away good three years ago.

He... he wants to go, he really does, because as much as he doesn’t have any particular someone waiting doesn’t mean he shouldn’t go, or should stay, but he’s in no rush.

The dragon stops before the door, though, and just looks lost in the middle of the big cave. When Dean looks at him, he just waves with his head and waits.

Dean makes up his mind quickly.

‘You let everyone go? Every sacrifice?’

The dragon nods, clearly not getting why this matters now.

‘Just ‘cause... they never come back to the village.’

The dragon shrugs.

‘Well-- it’s pretty far away, isn’t it?’

The dragon cautiously nods.

‘How many days journey? On human foot?’

The dragon considers this, then draws three lines to the dirt.

‘Well I just... look, it’s almost dusk. I wouldn’t even get to the foot of the hill’ Dean is telling the truth here, really. ‘Would it be okay if I stayed overnight? I could walk tomorrow faster and go further if I set off at morning.’

The dragon nods and his eyes smile, but then his face falls.

‘What?’ Dean asks this time cautiously.

The dragon just unfolds his wings, flaps them twice though stays firmly on the ground and crouches, his first feet bend.

‘Oh no, no way- I hate flying, dude, and I hate heights. I’d rather walk tomorrow, thank you.’

The dragon just shrugs again, but Dean’s sure he’s not imagining the smile on his face.

 


	2. And he's howling with pain and crawling up the walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that the chapter title has nothing to do with the content, I was just listening to Loverman while writing (and the atmosphere of the song suits the fic, imho.)

Dean’s not sure how it happens, really.

That could be the motto of his life if he’s honest with himself. He usually finds himself in situations other people (normal people, though he firmly denies he’s that different from them) consider stupid, dangerous, or unbelievable. Like the time he ended up with Lisa, and Lisa announced later she was pregnant, but swore up and down the kid wasn’t his and married someone else. Well. Not like Dean asked her to marry him, nor did he want to marry, but still it felt like that could have been his chance for a home and normalcy with a real family.

Now though. Now he’s as far as normalcy as one can get, with one huge-ass black dragon pressed firmly against his side, snoring slightly.

Okay, that is not completely true. The dragon is not black, not completely. He has purple and blue scales coloring the black ones; his fire is also blue, and altogether he is so magnificent Dean often times finds himself just looking at him in awe.

But he is not snoring lightly. He is snoring like a twenty-five feet dragon that he is, and Dean can’t sleep. So instead he thinks, and because there is no alcohol around in the cave-castle they live in, Dean doesn’t have anything to make his thoughts go away.

Cas’s snores are a good start though, he supposes. Maybe even better than alcohol.

He recalls the first time he saw the three letters in the garden’s dirt. CAS. It meant nothing to him, he thought, he didn’t even know how to pronounce it.

But then he stayed overnight, and woke up the next morning to delicious smells. He left his brown bear-fur bed and set off to search the source of possible breakfast, and the dragon greeted him behind a makeshift fireplace in one of the chambers that had windows, with fish cooking on the embers. He supplied rabbit-food as well, and Dean was surprised to find that he actually enjoyed the plants Cas served. He wasn’t satisfied with the spicing, but it was a good start for the day.

That should have been the day he took off home, but looking back now he realizes maybe he never even wanted to leave. Not even back then, and certainly not now.

Because ever since, and it’s been six months, he never did.

He just circled around Cas, and started asking him about small things. How he makes the logs for the fire and where’s water around and what he thinks about stuff. Strange, as Dean’s usually not the talker. Sure, he can talk himself in and sometimes out of every stupid situation, but not real conversations- that’s Sam’s field. But somehow he found his voice, and became good speaking on the dragon’s part as well. Cas helped with nodding and shrugging, and they made pretty decent talks, Dean thinks. And somehow he just didn’t set off that day, and asked Cas in the afternoon if he could stay another night.

They played this game for a month before they realized that Dean was never leaving.

Cas made a corner for him in his world. He took Dean with him wherever he went in the cave: the garden, mending some walls, making food, watering the plants. He even offered to take Dean on his back while he was checking his territory, but Dean refused every time. He would not fly.

Dean on the other hand talked about his family, well, Sam mostly, and Mom, as much as he remembered her. And how he managed to piss off the leaders of the town when he had realized Sam was to be the next sacrifice so he put his little brother on his horse and told them not to stop until they reach Uncle Bobby’s. He had been lucky, then, because he wasn’t sacrificed instead of his brother. Another man, Andy was, and Dean had been eating himself on the inside because of that, because there had been another man dying instead of him, but he’d pick Sam’s life over anyone’s any day. Then he found out that Cas didn’t actually eat people and so he was able to sleep again.

Cas didn’t understand, then, why Dean was here after all that went so well, and Dean explained. He told Cas about this Bela girl, who turned out to be more powerful than she first seemed, and after Dean made it clear he was not interested in her she set the leaders on his tail. His village have always been sacrificing either the worthy, like Sam, or the totally unworthy, like Dean, if they lacked the first. And well, this time they did.

Cas outright scowled at the idea of Dean being unworthy, tackled him down and wouldn’t let him up until Dean agreed that he was a worthy being.

Yeah, it was Cas’s way.

He also taught Dean to read.

They started slow. Cas had this awesome library- turns out he hoarded _books_ of all things- in one of the biggest chambers that had only sidewall windows far away from the piles of books so they wouldn’t get wet. Dean found it hilarious: the twenty-something-feet tall black lizard crouching over books that were as small as his little fingers, reading and carefully turning the pages with his sharp claws.

Dean teased him mercilessly about how catastrophic an incautious sneeze could be.

Cas even needed to fly out some time, and he came back with books, and he tried to explain to Dean that some merchants actually knew about him being a hoarder and would let him buy books from them, with the gold Cas apparently had somewhere but didn’t care about. And well, at first Dean didn’t get it, like he didn’t get many things, like he didn’t get Sam wanting out of the village long before the sacrifice matters came up or how gardening could actually be a good way of relaxation, or all in all he didn’t get Cas for a while but then he started reading and. Huh.

He was a slow reader. And a slow learner in general, but he was learning from someone who couldn’t speak so he considered it a win.

Cas would draw in the dirt, like in that first day they met, and would show Dean the things the words meant. For example, he would write TREE, and would point and Dean would say the name he guessed it meant, and Cas would nod or shake his head until Dean got it right. So Dean learned tree, and forest, and bird, and sky, and earth, and he would draw those things on the ground with a stick, and then Cas would connect some letters with others, like the S from SKY with the S in Cas, and Dean would know that part of his name, then slowly the whole. Cas was a marvelous teacher.

Once he asked Cas how Sam was written, so whenever he felt homesick for his little brother he would just write his name on the ground and feel better immediately.

He had learned to write Cas’s name long before he knew how to say it, making Cas immensely proud.

Cas told him, with words written in dirt and strange signs that his library was now Dean’s as well. So Dean picked up a book, and tried, but couldn’t even recognize the letters. Cas then gave him another one, which was more familiar, but he still couldn’t read it. They made a game out of it, instead- Dean would search for words he recognized and ask Cas about interesting-looking ones that he didn’t yet know.

A few things changed when winter arrived. The door and the windows didn’t keep the chill, the wind and the cold rain (and months later, the snow) out, so Dean made clothes for himself from the leather and fur of the animals that either he or (mostly) Cas caught. Dean had known Cas ate meat as well, but it had taken him a while to realize the pattern that each dead beast taken to the cave would have died anyway without Cas’s interference. They had broken bones, or were underweight, or had some disabilities, like the one deer that was blind. Cas just chose the slowest, weakest ones and put them out of their misery. He did planned natural selection, as Sam would have said it.

Cas also bought him some canvas and other materials, and Dean dressed himself more comfortably now than ever, because there was no one to impress, or rather the only one around wouldn’t be impressed by clothes.

Strangely, Dean didn’t miss human company. The voice of others, yes, but nothing else. And Cas had better things to say and show in his own way than most of the people Dean’s met.

But as it grew colder outside, it so did on the inside, and soon Dean found himself out in the garden all day, because the cold cave couldn’t be warmed up by the sun, and it was actually warmer outside than inside.

Cas bought wood, mostly whole trees and together they chopped it up and made fires at night. Dean’s room had high ceiling and even small holes in it so the smoke simply disappeared and didn’t choke him. It was convenient.

The first time he had attempted to make a fire at night he was already cold, and his hands were shaking so badly that Cas needed to light the first log with his blue flame-y breath. Dean was thankful.

He made Cas breakfast the next day, using his own recipe from home for the fresh meat supplied by the dragon and even though Cas didn’t say anything and was usually contented with raw food, Dean was from then on in charge of making the meals. He experimented with the herbs in the garden and loved making Cas moan enthusiastically around a mouthful of hog or stag.

When the first snow fell Dean woke up cold as dead in the middle of the night. His fire was out, and he was shivering even under several layers of bear fur. He tumbled out of his room and took towards Cas without even thinking about what he was doing.

The dragon lived two floors above him, so at least his shivering was gone by the time he got there.

Cas’s room was not as empty as the rest of the cave; he had hoarded some stuff in there with him, stuff that lay scattered across the ground so Dean needed to watch out and not step on broken pieces of porcelain vases (Dean hasn’t seen anything like porcelain outside the cave in his life), oddly shaped stones and tree branches, leather straps... But the dragon already knew Dean was there and watched intently as Dean stopped in front of him.

‘It’s snowing. My fire’s out. I’m cold.’

Cas just grunted and lifted his left wing, indicating Dean to crawl under it and rest by his side. And Dean did exactly that, so Cas hummed contentedly as Dean got covered by a dark wing and felt safer than he ever did.

It became their evening routine, afterwards, and Dean didn’t even made an excuse when a week later he simply moved the bear fur, his book, the rest of his clothes and the things that Cas had given him, like smalls stones that matched Dean’s eyes and his gardening tools to Cas’s room and went to sleep by his side.

And that’s how he ended up just there, with a blizzard like a witch’s curse outside and a snoring dragon on the inside with him. He remembers what took them there, but doesn’t understand much beyond the point that his best friend is a dragon who loves reading books and gardening. Oh, and has a bee hive, because otherwise his plants would all die for no bee flies up this high without a queen and his plants would die, so Cas has a bee hive.

Dean hates bees, but he loves helping Cas with the hive. Of course, Cas’s job is easy because no sting goes through his scales, but Dean has been stung one time too many. He complains and curses when it happens and Cas just laughs at him, not only with his eyes anymore but also letting out a low glottal sound which just make Dean laugh as well.

 

It’s a little more than a week later (Dean’s learning the calendar, but he sees not much use of it up here, so doesn’t bother too much) when Dean comes across a word he doesn’t know but would like to in his book.

He’s seen it before, and tried to pronounce it, but that’s the problem- the letters on the page and the sound they make out differs from word to word, and Dean hates it. Especially when a letter is said differently depending on what other letters are around it. It’s annoying. Couldn’t have they made this stuff easier? He sometimes tries to write stuff down, just his own way, and fucks up each time spectacularly. Cas never laughs at that, though, just show him the right spelling and all he needs to do is memorize.

This word was nagging him for some time now, but there have always been more interesting ones around. Dean’s not skipping it now, though. He fishes his stick out from his belt and writes the five symbols to the dirt. He supposes the last one, an E isn’t pronounced, and he realizes the other letters as well, but doesn’t know the rules good enough to figure out the right way to say it, and that leaves him with three possible meanings.

Cas comes to check on him later, and Dean points to the ground before the giant reptile can mess it up.

Sometimes figuring the words out are easy, like the SUN - Cas is not an artist, but he does a good job of recognizable drawings and sometimes it’s easy like that. Other times it’s so complicated that after three months they still haven’t figured out what that particular eight-letters long monstrosity Dean found is.

Cas now just sits down, tilts his head, squints his eyes and thinks for a few seconds. He then draws a man to the left (they have their own symbols for that, too, and they use it so often that Dean doesn’t even pay attention to the details) then more men to the right. He crosses all the men on the right and points to the one on the left.

‘Uhm...’ Dean frowns. ‘Outcast?’

Cas scowls.

‘Hey, I wasn’t talking about myself. But yeah, you’re right- it ends with and E, doesn’t it? But it’s not said? That really doesn’t help.’

Cas just shakes his head slowly, like Dean’s the one here who makes things hard, and erases the drawings. He thinks again, face lighting up and he draws himself. Well, he draws the symbol for himself, a long vertical line first, then a small half-circle on top of a bigger one with a short line between them. Cas told Dean that this was his name in their dragon language.

There are so many things Dean would like to know about Cas, like how he learned Dean’s language and where his family and kindred were, but until either Cas learns to talk or Dean learns to read properly this has to wait.

After the Cas-symbol is done on the left, Cas draws another Cas-symbol on the right and writes DEAN beside it, too.  He looks at Dean, happy, but Dean’s even more at a loss now.

‘Friends?’

But no, he knows how’s that written.

Cas really takes his time the third time, thinking, before he erases and draws again.

First, it is a man. Then a woman, then a baby, then a man again.

‘What happened to them?’ Dean asks. Not the point, really, but Cas draws a cross to indicate they have died.

‘So... he had family, but now he’s alone aga---’ but his sentence is cut short as Cas is nodding so fast Dean’s afraid he might hurts his head.

‘Alone?’ Dean guesses, and Cas’s tail wiggles behind him and he toots to the air.

‘Okay, I understand the first drawing, then’ Dean starts as he writes the letters of the word to the ground and wills himself to memorize. ‘But what’s the second about?’

Cas draws his name to the left, directly under where Dean has written ALONE, and to the right he puts the Cas-symbol and Dean’s name. He writes, with his usual delicate claw-work, NOT ALONE.

Dean’s heart clenches when he realized just how true that is, for the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sounded so much better in my head. I am a poor impression of a writer.


	3. There's a devil waiting outside your door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna post it sooner but I realized some mistakes and I didn't have the strenght to correct them earlier. Sorry.

It is the hot midday, light nights part of the year again, the time between spring and summer, when Cas finds Dean and wants to ask something.

It says a lot about their relationship, really, that a huge black-blue-purple dragon has to do nothing but just sit quietly beside him and Dean knows in an instant that something is up.

‘Hey, you good there?’ he asks, not stopping the repairing of the waxed leather bag they use as a bucket for watering the plants.

Cas just hums, and clears the ground in front of him.

Okay, so this will be a drawing thing.

They sometimes don’t need that; sometimes Dean can just guess what’s happening, like when Cas is hungry or tired or just needs to be by Dean’s side and refuses to say anything about it at all, so Dean leaves him be. Cas has his moods, and Dean has his too, and they’re good.

But this time it (whatever it is) needs an explanation, so Dean puts the bag and the needle down, and kneels up to have a better view.

Cas starts with the sun and then an arrow going around in a circle, which means something about the passing of the time. Then he draws one line, leaves some space and has four small symbols: a flower, a sun, a leaf and a cloud. He puts them all into a bigger circle and now they’re right next to the straight line.

They sometimes use words to communicate, more words as Dean learns more. When, for example, Dean would ask Cas about his favorite food, if he had any, Cas would write BEAR instead of drawing one, because Dean knew that word already and he liked to practice.

Other times the thing Cas needs to say is too complex for Dean’s vocabulary, so he just draws instead- they have their symbols, back from their first days, before Dean knew how to write and read them and what they meant, and Cas uses those to create short statements, then move on to the next short statement and get his whole meaning through. They don’t bother with words much in these cases, though, because it would slow down their process considerably, plus without the grammar Dean still wouldn’t get it.

So Dean settles for a long talk and says, ‘One year has passed?’

Cas nods.

‘Since when?’

To his surprise Cas just writes, YOU.

Well, YOU was a hard thing to understand first. Cas had to explain repeatedly, in different ways, and Dean had to guess for a day before he found out.

Now it hits him like a stone to the head.

He has been here for one year. One whole year, apart from his village... it feels like just a second, yet it also feels like eternity.

He was never more at home with anyone, especially without his little brother, but that’s another path and he doesn’t want to go there. Because one more year here means four years without Sam, too.

Cas just waits until Dean collects himself and draws on.

First there is a moon, another arrow circling back to itself and then the word SACRIFICE.

‘You... what?!’ Dean is so thrown back that he even backs away from the dragon, and Cas just shrinks beneath his gaze. He taps the drawing, but does it ever so cautiously, not wanting to make Dean feel any more anxious.

‘You have to take a sacrifice tomorrow?’

Cas nods and looks broken.

‘Why can’t you just... leave them there?’

Cas shakes his head and draws a cross.

‘They’d die... just hanging there?’

Cas erases and draws their consensual symbol of hunger and then wolves.

Of course, no one would fetch the sacrifices. They’d just probably call the dragon more with the blood ritual, and blame the victim for not being tempting enough. That was _so_ like their village thinking.

‘So you have to pick them up and what? Bring them here?’

Cas looks sheepish and nods.

He wants to ask if Cas could take and release them somewhere else. Why does it have to be the cave? Except, of course, despite what Cas tells him the cave is still Cas’s, not Dean’s, and if Cas wants to bring them back here then he has a reason for it.

He has no idea why he is upset. It’s not like it would make anything change. Except... maybe Cas has other plans?

‘But, um... they would leave, right?’

Cas nods, and almost looks offended again. He draws an upside down T to the ground. That is their ultimate sign for ultimate positivity.

‘And I would stay?’

Cas writes YOU WANT?

Dean repeats the upside down T.

Cas looks satisfied, then erases and starts another drawing.

Dean spaces out.

The information leaves him shocked. He has been here for a year. And now someone else will be here, will invade their space and world and Dean isn’t sure he’d like that.

But he has no choice, really. Some poor man or woman is expecting their death to be the next day, they must be scared to shaky bones, and Cas would let them go as soon as they were able to walk.

He shouldn’t be so greedy.

Then he realizes Cas has stopped and reads the signs and words, not even bothering with the step-by-step understanding.

‘Want me from eye? What?’

Cas just gives him this look and taps the ground again. Right. So Dean should know the meaning.

‘Okay. So. You want me... out of sight?’

Cas nods.

Dean drinks it in.

Yeah, so Cas doesn’t want others to see him. And well Dean’s not sure he wants others to see him either. He has never met anyone who made it back from the dragon’s- probably they just wanted to avoid the village that betrayed them, or were too ashamed, or just didn’t make the three days journey through the woods and hills- but he’s sure he wouldn’t have liked the idea of a man living with the dragon. He doesn’t want his village, or any other village to know about them. He doesn’t want people talking behind his back more than they have before, and he doesn’t want anybody coming back to their place as a sort of spectacle to wonder at. _The dragon and his human_. Just – no.

Then Cas has his nose by his side, and is nudging him, huffing hot breaths against his skin and Dean just stares at those frighteningly blue eyes, awed. Cas tells him more with his looks than with his signs, ever. Dean’s never been good reading others, and he has no idea how he’s so good reading Cas; if it’s a dragon thing or a Cas thing or if Cas had always been like this or it’s just Dean’s influence, but there you have it, a dragon being an open book to a man.

He tells Dean everything with that glance, and with those touches, and Dean knows he is wanted. He just knows that Cas would never want him out of his life, and would do and is actually doing everything to protect him, including, sometimes, hiding him away for his own good. And Dean knows Cas hates it, but would rather burn his own garden and bee hive than get Dean hurt in any way.

‘But you will come back, right?’

Cas nods enthusiastically.

‘Promise?’

Dean doesn’t even know why he needs the positive reinforcement, but he knows he will be calmer if he gets it.

Cas just writes I PROMISE to the dirt, then curls around Dean, messing up the drawings and Dean’s work on the bag, but Dean doesn’t care. He has his giant black dragon around him, sheltering and comforting, and so he buries himself in Cas’s crook of neck, and doesn’t care about the world.

 

He is still in a mixed mood the next day. He doesn’t leave Cas’s side much, and doesn’t care much about their food or his book or anything. Cas doesn’t rebuke him, just lets him put his hand on his scales whenever he needs and stays in the cave until in the afternoon he tenses, clearly sensing something and then huffing unhappily.

‘You need to go, just go’ Dean pats his shoulder, and actually manages a smile so Cas can leave in peace. Well, if you can call peace nudging Dean for some more minutes before finally flying out and then looking back every few seconds to where he’s left Dean, because that’s how Cas flies away.

But he’s coming back. It’s not like he hasn’t left Dean before, when he checked his territory or met with merchants.

But he’s never brought anyone home.

Dean wonders when did that happen.

But it did, anyway, and Dean doesn’t want some stranger invading their life.

Gosh, he acts like a lovesick puppy.

He’s never been this comfortable around anyone. This open. This happy.

His longest relationship of any sort was with Sam, as in they are brothers, but he hasn’t seen Sam for four long years and even before that they always fought, and Dean always felt like he was never going to be good enough.

Then he was with Lisa, and it was good but it was not love, and he never stayed long and wanted to be someplace else half the time anyway.

With Cas, it is difficult. The fight and they hurt and they trust and Dean wants his dragon back.

 

When it is sunset, Cas is still away.

Of course the village was a few hours of flying away. Dean remembers nothing of it, but he knows that he first saw those stunning blue eyes in dark and he still has to wait a few more hours for him.

But then it’s midnight, and Cas still isn’t back and he should have made the journey, even with a human at a pole, by now.

Dean’s restless. He walk around their room, then ventures out to the cave, because no matter what his rational part is telling him he doesn’t really care about being seen, he just wants to know when Cas’ll be back.

By the time the Sun is lighting the edge of the horizon on the East he knows something is seriously wrong. He just has no idea what and how to fix it. He contemplates going out to find him, but the village he came from is a three days journey away, which leaves him two opposing feelings – one that makes him want to move immediately to be able to help Cas as soon as possible, and one that makes him want to sit tight and wait, because if he wanders away and Cas comes back and he’s not around it’ll just make things worse for the both of them.

He ends up watching the sunrise, then watering the plants because he hopes that’ll keep his mind away from thoughts of Cas getting hurt.

Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe he just got distracted. Or met an old friend. Or the sacrifice ritual wasn’t done properly. Or he let the sacrifice free already without bringing them back to the cave.

There are strange flapping sounds in the distance. Dean perks up and drops the water bag, but he sees no sign of anything being able to make that noise. It’s not Cas’s usual flaps. He knows those by heart. It’s smaller and more ragged and so terribly, terribly wrong. It’s too loud for a bird, and it doesn’t have the usual feathery sound to it- it’ like leather, like a bat, but bat wings don’t make sounds this loud. This is wrong.

Dean rushes inside in an instant. He doesn’t want to be on the roof if another flying thing comes around the corner, but he also feels that the whatever it is is going to be inside and he wants to be ready. He makes a beeline for his axe, first, the one Cas got for him so that he could help with the logs. Then he hears the flaps again, and he thinks it comes from their front door and is coming up towards him, slow.

He pokes around a few corners, then stops to a halt when he sees what’s above the main stairs.

It’s something he’s never seen before. It looks like a man, has a man’s body but it is covered in black and purple and blue scales, reflecting the rays of the morning sun, and has giant scaled wings on the back and a long tail.

The thing struggles, the wings doing a horrible job of keeping it in the air. It’s like some invisible power is moving against it, and finally it’s not able to go further, higher, so it falls miserably to the side of a stair, then back to the ground. It lifts it’s head once more, piercing blue eyes searching out from under dark curls of hair, and whispers ‘Dean’.

Dean is by his side before he realizes what he’s doing.

He’s never seen anything like this in his life, but he knows it’s Cas. It’s like his heart recognizes the dragon before his eyes, even in this different form, and Dean drops the axe and falls to his knees, holding the half-human Cas’s head in his lap. His horns – _horns_ – poke into Dean’s thighs but he doesn’t give a damn.

‘Hey... Cas... what happened? Are you all right?’

Cas smiles up at him, but it’s only in his eyes. He tries to wet his chopped lips but fails. ‘Dean’ he says again, like that was the only thing that mattered right now, and his eyes close.

‘No, Cas... Cas, wake up! Talk to me, please!’

Another noise snatches his attention, also because of its novelty around the cave. It’s a horse neighing, followed suit by heavy footsteps coming up to the stairs.

A man comes in to view. He is older than Dean, his short hair graying on the edges and he is _big_. Bear-like, almost, with broad shoulders and large muscles and he just whistles a tune, hollow.

He doesn’t see Dean yet, his eyes search for the exits and other corridors first, then he mutters. ‘Come out, come out, wherever you are.’

Dean reaches out for his axe, grabs it and stands tall.

‘What do you want here?’

The stranger’s eyes snap to him and take him and the lying Cas on the floor beside him in.

‘I did not expect pets here’ the man draws. ‘Put that down, brother, I want no harm to you.’

‘Yeah well I want no harm to you but gods help me I will hurt you if you come any closer’ Dean barks back.

There must be something in his voice that makes the stranger stop.

‘Who are you?’ Dean flashes his axe just in case.

‘I am Benjamin Lafitte, but most call me Benny. Friends and foes alike.’

‘And who are those friends or foes?’

‘Well depends on you, brother. If you step aside and let me do my job I will call you friend.’

‘You already call me brother.’

‘I call everyone brother.’

‘Well, pity, because I only have one Sasquatch little brother and since he is not you, you are no brother of mine.’

The stranger, Benny, narrows his eyes and lowers his very long and very sharp sword that Dean hasn’t noticed before. What the hell?

‘You are Dean? Dean Winchester?’

Dean’s nerves dance under his skin. What.the.hell?

‘What if I am?’

Benny takes a deep breath.

‘Your brother sent me.’

Dean’s eyebrows shoot to the stars.

‘The what, now?’

‘Sam Winchester? He says you have been killed by that dragon, over there-’ Benny points his blade at the still unconscious but obviously still breathing Cas. Dean instinctly moves a bit to hide him from Benny’s gaze. ‘- and he hired me to slay it.’

‘No’ Dean lifts his axe higher and positions himself to either defend or attack, whichever needs to be done. He’s not sure he believes the part about Sam, except that Benny knew his name, but Dean’s priority right now is making sure Cas is safe. The rest can wait.

Benny tilts his head, but it’s so unlike Cas that Dean is blinded by anger for a second.

‘C’mon, brother. I am here to help. You could leave.’

‘I could leave anytime I wanted, I just don’t want to’ and Dean has probably never said truer words in his life. ‘What have you done to him?’

‘Nothing. I just made him change into his human form.’

‘His--- what?’

‘All dragons have more forms. Their true form is the dragon, but they can look almost human too, although that way they are more valuable. They usually don’t take up that form...’ Benny stops, a strange expression flashing through his eyes, and he doesn’t say more.

‘Can he change back then?’ Dean risks a glance at the unmoving half-human beside him. Cas hasn’t moved an inch. ‘Why isn’t he awake?’

‘Suppose he tired out himself, flying all the way here’ Benny supplies, really unhelpful. He turns his head to the right, slowly, and gestures something to the corridor that Dean doesn’t understand.

‘Okay, I don’t even care anymore, you just leave him be and get the hell out of here-’ but the last words die on Dean’s mouth as someone he knows very well appears by Benny’s side.

His hair is yards longer than before, and he is covered in mud and holds up a fucking spear of all things. His first idea is to laugh, because _really, Sammy? A spear against a dragon?,_ but then his mind catches up to what he actually sees and he can’t even breathe for a moment.

Sam apparently suffers from the same illness if his mouth hanging open is any indication. He takes a step forward, notices Cas by Dean’s feet and raises the spear.

The next thing Dean does isn’t conscientious, it’s just basic instinct he’s sure he’s going to hate himself for it later on, but for now he just sidewalks to be in between Cas and Sam. He at least doesn’t raise the axe, but Sam stops anyway.

‘De-Dean? Is that you?’ his voice is almost broken and damn, Dean’s missed his baby Sasquatch of a brother.

‘Yeah, Sammy, it’s me’ he agrees, and risks a glance towards Benny. ‘You didn’t say he was here too.’

‘Figured you’d find out sooner than later’ Benny shrugs.

‘Dean, I- I thought you were dead! You had been sacrificed...’

‘I survived?’ Dean shrugs too, because he’s not sure if he should brag, explain or apologize.

‘You... you’ve been here for the whole year?’ something akin to anger crosses Sam’s face, and Dean’s seeing red in return in an instant. He never reacted well to others accusing him things that he isn’t.

‘What if I had been?’

‘I thought you were dead!’ Sam shouts.

‘Yeah, well I thought you didn’t even know about the sacrifice! After all it was you who never sent a message or something...’

‘And how would have I done that?!’ they are outright shouting at each other now, the cave’s empty chambers and corridors echoing their loudening voices. ‘You can’t even read, Dean!’

This hits Dean like a brick in the face.

‘Someone would have read them for me! Or you know, you could have sent someone with words instead of letters!’ his voice nearly breaks at the end, now, and Sam doesn’t respond for a while.

‘I’m sorry’ he says after a while. ‘I never... I just...’ but he doesn’t say anything that would make Dean feel any better. ‘Can we just, you know, kill the dragon and leave?’

‘You’re not killing any dragons here’ Dean is happy to note that his voice is back to normal, if a little stern.

‘But it held you here for a year!’

Benny looks between them knowingly, but doesn’t say anything, just raises one eyebrow at Dean.

‘I stayed because I wanted to, not because he made me.’

Sam nearly drops his spear at this.

‘Why would you stay with a dragon?’

Dean just shrugs, and then it’s quiet again. Sam looks totally unbelieving, Benny mildly interested and Dean doesn’t know what to make of any of it.

Cas chooses this moment to whimper and shake, which has Dean crouching down after he levels the other two with a warning glance, but this time he keeps the axe in his palm.

The dragon’s forehead is sweaty, and he’s shaking slightly and he’s trying to cover himself with his wings. Dean pushes some astray flocks of hair out of his face, and Cas doesn’t open his eyes.

Damn, Dean misses the blue.

When he looks up neither Sam nor Benny have moved, but Sam looks like his favorite toy has been smashed and Benny just frowns.

‘Okay. Look. Cas- the dragon- didn’t keep me locked up or something stupid. He let me go the day I was sacrificed but I stayed. He’s not a monster for you to kill. He’s my friend. So now I’m going to make sure he’s okay while you two don’t come after us and try to kill him or so help me. Got it?’

He glares at his brother first, feeling him more of a threat than Benny, and after a few seconds of intense staring Sam huffs. ‘Fine.’

Dean thinks better of a second warning, and for good measure adds, ‘We will talk after I made sure he’s okay, right?’

Something softens in Sam’s expression, maybe in his eyes too, and he nods.

‘Okay.’

‘Good. Benny?’

Benny shrugs. ‘I’ve already been paid. ‘S long as the dragon doesn’t try to eat me, I don’t care.’

‘If you come through the door I will kill you’ Dean promises.

‘I get it.’ And it seems he really does, so Dean nods, and tugs his axe into his belt and then reaches under Cas, grabbing and lifting him bridal-style under his knees and backside. He’s naked, and it would make Dean feel awkward if he didn’t have giant wings still around him, which actually just make Dean’s job a lot harder since he has to pay attention to those as well. He doesn’t want to hurt Cas.

He doesn’t even look at his brother or Benny, just turns and climbs, ungracefully and slowly, up the stairs. ‘You can stay in one of the first-floor chambers, if you want’ he calls back over his shoulder, then leaves.

 

He tugs Cas into the bear-fur bed that Dean used to use in the days he wasn’t sleeping with Cas.

By Cas.

Cas does wake up for a moment, then, but his only word is a close to inaudible ‘Dean’ before he’s lost to the world again, and he doesn’t even open his eyes.

Dean has his axe ready, just in case someone was to follow him, and settles beside Cas.

He keeps his ears open to hear any steps but his eyes are on the human-form dragon. He doesn’t look hurt, just exhausted and vulnerable, and he remembers what Benny said about the human form of the dragons.

He’s sitting with his back to the wall, Cas curled against him, Cas’s head in his lap. His eyes are flying behind his eyelids and Dean wishes he had something to help him.

Cas has a human form.

He looks kind of adorable, even in this wrecked state. Dean takes in his long sharp ears, the two black horns on his head and the many black, blue and purple scales on his skin. On his forehead, cheeks, collarbone, hands... even his skin feels different, unlike his dragon form or any human Dean’s met, but it’s nice. Warm, dry and a bit rough.

But Cas has a human form and he’s never told Dean. This could’ve made their conversations loads easier, Cas could’ve told Dean so many things and could’ve taught Dean faster...

But dragons are more vulnerable in their human form, and Cas didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of Dean.

And Dean gets it, really. He wouldn’t have wanted to be vulnerable either. Hell, he doesn’t want now but he’s only human and he wishes Cas trusted him more.

He thought Cas did. He’s sure trusted Cas, more than he trusted anybody in his life, maybe even Sam. He shared things; he showed things about himself with Cas more than he ever did with anyone.

Come to think of it, he doesn’t know anything about Cas at all. Cas never told him anything special.

It feels close to a betrayal, now.

Then there’s Sam.

He’s sending mixed signals to Dean, really. First he doesn’t care about Dean for four years then he’s back to avenge him? Why, was Dean not good enough alive?

It sounds something Cas might say, Dean realizes.

And Cas would be wrong. It’s just that Sam was happy in his life and didn’t have the time and money and energy it took to let Dean know about him. And it’s not like Dean had been sending messengers every week either.

But hiring a dragon slayer... it’s so wild, so strange. So unlike Sam. Sure, reverse their situations and Dean would be breathing over everyone’s necks that actually took part in harming his little brother, including the dragon, but Sam is not Dean. He’s not for revenge, he’s for forgiveness.

But what’s more wild is that Sam actually came. Not only did he hire Benny but he also showed up, because Sam cared. Just like Dean cared and he would have showed up and attempted revenge.

His mind is a whirl of thoughts and he isn’t able to slow down enough to manage some sleep, and  even though the Sun is up their chamber is dark and quiet but Dean’s been up all night. He’s afraid to hear footsteps, because he doesn’t want to fight- he’s too exhausted and his mind too unfocused. He doesn’t want to hurt Sam, nor even Benny.

He stays awake for some time, checks Cas’s breathing from time to time (unnecessarily, since he can feel the rise and fall of his chest) and keeps an ear out for anyone coming closer.

No one does.

Eventually his head falls to Cas’s shoulder and the dragon’s steady breaths lull him into sleepless, restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeey! Finally a chapter title that matches the contents.
> 
> Also this is unbeta'd, so if you spot any errors or mistakes or whatnot, logical problems or pot holes or anything, please let me know.


	4. He's weak with evil and broken by the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is still very unbeta'd.   
> The title is still from Metallica's Loverman.

He knows he is being watched.

He also knows it’s Cas without opening his eyes.

What he doesn't know, or rather just forgets, is that this Cas does not have dragon eyes, but human eyes. It's the same blue, and the same stare, but a different shape.

It's still undeniably Cas.

So when Dean opens his eyes he is met with a piercing blue stare, somewhat sheepish, and a gravelly voice.

'Hello, Dean.'

Dean finds himself smiling.

'Hey, Cas.'

They have shifted during night. Now Dean's at the same level as Cas, though the latter is still covered by bear fur waist down, but they're skin to skin above that. Dean's glance tracks the scales up Cas's knuckes to his elbows, then to his shoulders.

He could marvel at it all day long.

But Cas is hesitant, cautious, his fingers (that have long and sharp nails that could skin a rabbit alive, holy crap) fidgeting. After that first stare of the piercing blue Cas lowers his eyes and wouldn’t meet Dean’s gaze.

'How are you feeling?' Dean takes pity on him and asks.

It's strange, watching Cas search for words. Dean misses the giant black lizard, the familiarity of it, and it's weird with this new form beside him. Weird in a good way, he hopes.

'Fine' Cas mutters and looks away.

He seems distant, and Dean doesn't know what to make of it.

He doesn't know how to deal with this new Cas. They can talk, both of them, but Dean's used to signs and written words. This Cas has a face, a mostly human face, and Dean could read him before but now it's all new and different and the same. It's disturbing.

And most importantly, he's so used to being with the dragon-form that he's comfortable enough around him. They touch all the time, when they're happy or sad or really, always, and Dean's afraid of touching this new Cas.

'Do you remember last night?'

'Most of it' Cas lifts his gaze and Dean's relieved. 'Not much after I arrived, I'm afraid.'

'Are you hurt?'

'No.'

Dean nods.

'Can you tell me what happened?' Cas asks, right before Dean wants to move away.

'My um... my brother' now Dean's the one to look away, but he goes on, 'my brother thought that you have, uh, eaten me and he hired a dragon slayer to finish you. He made you change form.'

Cas reaches out, giving Dean time to pull away but he doesn't, so Cas cups his face with one hand and strokes a finger on his cheek.

'It's not your fault.'

'How... do you know...'

'That you were thinking that?' the first smile appears on human-Cas's lips, but it's not a happy smile. 'I know you, Dean.'

'I wish I could say the same' Dean replies, and wants to take the words back as soon as they are out.

Too late, though. Cas's hand drops and he crosses his arms in front of his chest defensively. His wings, until now laying on the ground behind him, come up and cover him, his shoulders, as a blanket.

'Why didn't you tell me, Cas?' Dean whispers.

'I don't know.'

It's so honest, so fast and so open that Dean just needs to leave.

He's used to being open with a huge-ass reptile, not a half-human. He cannot take more.

He knows he should say something but he is unable to. He stumbles to his feet and is out of the room before Cas has a chance to reply, and is on the stairway to the lower floors with heart beating heavily.

 

It takes a while to find Sam and Benny, though he isn't looking too hard, rather he just wanders around at random and stumbles upon them.

His brother and the dragon slayer are in a one-door, no-window chamber. Benny is up, cleaning his sharp blade, while Sam is snoring lightly at the other wall. He jolts up at the noise of footsteps, and Benny stops his movements.

Dean levels him with a glare.

'Wasn't gonna use it, brother' Benny says nodding at the blade.

'You better not' Dean agrees.

'Where is he?' Sam stands up and dusts off his clothes.

 _'In our room'_ would hurt too much for Dean's liking, and would raise questions, so he settles with 'Upstairs'.

'Look, Dean,' Sam runs a hand through his hair that is now way too long, and sighs. 'I think we should talk. I know you don't do touchy-feely, but there are things that-'

'No, I get it. And I agree, we should talk' Dean interrupts, to Sam's surprise.

'What, you mean you want to talk about feelings? You hate that.'

'Yeah. Well. I do, but um, we really need to, um, catch up with each other.'

Sam glares.

'You've changed' he states then. 'Are you enchanted?'

'What? No. And well, maybe I've realized not talking doesn't help much, sometimes' not like he did a good job of it with Cas just then, but it’s a matter for another time.

'You've really changed' Sam muses, then smiles.

Dean shrugs it off.

‘We’ll need something for breakfast, but I’m not leaving Cas here with you’ he turns to Benny. 

Sam bites back something to say, clever him.

Benny nods somewhat understandingly.

‘I could go then, and fetch something for three – four?’ he corrects.

‘Four’ Dean says without hesitation. ‘Wanna use something of mine?’

‘No, brother – surprising as it is, I can take care of my food, and other’s when it comes to it too.’ Ah, another sassmaster, this Benny is. No wonder Sam picked him.

‘And can you also find your way back?’

‘Let’s hope so’ Benny just grins, barely showing teeth, packs his equipment and leaves to find their horses. Dean and Sam stare at his back as he vanishes through the trees.

 

Dean doesn’t want to start immediately, he barely awoke and he’d rather not face Sam at all, but he knows he has to. Maybe he’s really matured. He starts with the most important thing first.

'So' he say, and somewhat startles Sam. 'Is this Benny trustworthy?'

'He hasn't bailed out on me' Sam shrugs. 'Yes, I think so. You don't trust him with Cas?' he asks, and casts a sideways glance at Dean.

'Not really, I mean, he looks okay. But he's a dragon slayer.'

'Actually, I don't think he is.'

'What do you mean?'

'Well, I was looking for someone who would be able to slay a dragon. And all I got for an answer was a 'no', until I got pointed to Benny. I didn't like him, at first, then, dunno... when I told him it was revenge for my brother, he said he would help me. He disappeared for some time, then found me and told me how he thought it could be done, and that was that. I figured as long as he does what he's been paid to, I don't care what he does when he's not killing dragons.'

Dean takes his time to process the information.

So Benny was like, tagging along at first and figuring out how it was possible to kill a dragon? And Sam actually paid him?

Wow. That's still a lot to take.

‘So you think that he has his money now he will...’

‘He will what, Dean?’

‘Dunno. Not bring back a lot of other people to try and help him kill a dragon?’

Sam doesn’t even has to think about it, he’s so fast with the answer.

‘No, Dean. Nobody even wants to come near this place, let alone try slaying.’

‘Okay, then.’

They are quiet again for some time.

Dean doesn’t really know where to start, where to go, or stay. He wants to be around if Cas needs him, but he’s afraid that he’ll come down after him – which is quite a paradox if he thinks about it hard enough, and so he doesn’t. He offers a walk around the cave. He’d like for Sam to see the garden and the library, but he won’t show it to him without Cas’s permission, and aside from that there’s not much to see inside, and he’s really not up for answering direct questions about their daily life.

So far this cave has been Dean’s home. Probably the best of homes after his mom’s death. So it may be selfish, but he doesn’t want to share everything with Sam – he doesn’t stop to think about that either, since he always shares everything with Sam, always - and he doesn’t want to share it at all if Cas is not with him.

And this is why they are having a walk in the trees closest to the cave, always keeping it in sight, but still away enough.

Sam notices him glancing up at it, of course he does.

‘You… are you afraid he’ll come after you, or afraid that he won’t?’

Dean hates Sam, sometimes.

‘I just don’t want us to get lost.’

‘Aha. And you’re not keeping an eye out for wolves at the same time?’

‘There aren’t wolves around here, nor anything else. They are keeping way from the cave, so I suppose it’ll take time for our dinner to arrive.’

Sam nods.

‘Probably. And the dragon… Cas, you’re really here on your own will?’

‘Yeah. Of course. Do you see locks and chains around? There’s nothing physical keeping me here.’

Sam raises an eyebrow.

‘You know how I mean’ Dean grumbles.

'You... you two are friends? Real friends then?'

'What does that even mean?' Dean's eyebrows fly together. What is his brother even implying?

'I mean, you didn't have friends back when we were living together. Sure, there was Gordon and Aaron and some, but they were like drinking buddies, especially after they settled down with someone.'

'Yeah, well.' Dean frowns. There's not much to say to that. 'Cas's different.'

'For starters, he's a dragon.'

'Don't you start that!'

'Don't start what? Dean, I thought he ate you. Forgive me if I need some time to catch up with the fact that you are now living with a dragon!'

Dean gapes at him.

'That sounds like you think I'm sleeping with him!'

'What? No!' Sam's face goes red like the setting sun. 'I mean, um, I think you're not?'

'What?! No, of course not! He's a dude and he's a dragon.'

Sam relaxes, but rolls his eyes nonetheless.

'Dean, keep the bullshit. I know you're into dudes as well.'

'Am not' _fuck_ , he's blushing.

'Oh please. You really think me for that stupid? You were head over heels for Aaron. You basically broke when he got married. And, by the way, _you_ never got married.'

'Marriage isn't for me, Sammy.'

'Don't call me that. Also, you're missing my point.'

'What point?'

'My point is that Benny said he'd have though you and Cas were mates had he not known that you haven't seen his human form before.'

Dean, who’s been doing his best of looking everywhere but Sam now turns his head around so fast to glare at his brother that he swears he can hear his muscles scream in protest.

'Mates? What does that even mean?'

'I don't know exactly, and Benny couldn't explain, but it's like, the marriage-equivalent for dragons.'

Dean swallows hard.

Wow. Benny thought that. That he and Cas could be mates.

Except Cas never told him about the human form thing. Which is a good thing, in hindsight, because Dean would totally be all over himself for the cute man with blue eyes, messy hair and grumpy voice. Despite or because of the wings and scales. And the fact that he was actually male _and_ a dragon.

Yeah, Dean already had it bad.

Come to think about it, it really felt like marriage sometimes. Without any sex, obviously, but the rest… they spent their time together when they could, they went out hunting, cleaned the cave, read, traded funny stories, made dinner, worked in the garden… It wasn’t divided by chores for women and chores for men, but there were things Cas did faster, like light a fire or chop up large chunks of wood with his claws, and there were things that Dean was better with, like skinning meat and tending the smaller plants outside, and they did most together. And they went to sleep together at night and awoke together at morning.

It was very domestic, Dean admitted to himself. Like marriage, or the dragon-equivalent of it.

Lucky Cas wasn't thinking like that and didn't trust Dean.

Sam watches him for some time, maybe for some sort of a reaction, but Dean can't say anything. What leaves him speechless the most that a large part of him actually wanted that. He can’t articulate that thought for Sam.

‘Why have you chosen to stay with him?’ Sam asks finally.

Dean takes his time with the answer.

'You were gone, Sam. Dad had been gone too, for years. I had no one. First I wanted to go, I think, after Cas told me I was free to but--'

'How did he tell you?' Sam interrupted. 'Can he speak in dragon form?'

'No, he um, he wrote it. To the dirt. Or signed' Dean rubbed the back of his neck. There was no need of feeling embarrassed about the reading thing, but he wasn't famous for being logical, ever.

'But Dean, you can't read' Sam said like Dean was stupid and forgetting about important details.

'I know, but um. Cas. He teaches me? It's slow, without him speaking and all that, but it works.'

Sam looks somewhat between shocked and disbelieving – it doesn’t hurt, Dean tells himself, he’s never been the smart one, except for Cas -, so Dean picks a stick and writes SAM, then CAS to the ground. Then, just for good measure, RABBIT and IMPALA, because those things come first to his mind.

It's Sam's turn to gape at him and at the dirt in front of them. Dean tries not to be smug about it but it’s not working well.

'But Dean, you always said you didn't want to read. I would've taught you.'

'You needed to study your stuff, Sam, and I needed to work. Would've been a waste of time, anyway- I'm a slow learner, no matter what Cas tells you.'

'Cas would tell me otherwise?' muses Sam.

'Yeah. He's got this unbelievable faith that whatever I do, it's awesome. I mean I know I am,' Dean cocks a grin at his brother to show he's joking, 'but it's funny; you'd think that a dragon wouldn't be interested in showing me all this and whatnot. But Cas is.'

They have stopped, and Sam just sits now with his back to a tree, the cave still peeking through the woods behind him. Dean settles a little bit further away, cross-legged, and he keeps his home in sight.

Sam looks at him without talking for a long, long time- Dean doesn't get why.

There had been a time when Sam would look at him with wonder in his eyes, look up to everything Dean did, and Dean took pride in that. It was his life, after their mother had died, to take care of Sam and now he thinks he did a good job on that. But then their father would yell at Dean for anything everything, and Dean would cry himself to sleep because even when he tried his best it was never good enough, and Sam stopped looking up at him.

Yeah, come to think of it, it must be a mind-blowing thing, knowing a nearly thirty feet tall dragon believes your fuckup brother is something.

'How come he didn't eat you? What happened to the other sacrifices?' Sam finally manages to say, but it's a whisper barely audible. So Dean tells him the story, and Sam relaxes the way Dean did when he found out that Cas let everyone go. Dean even gets into describing their life, without his intention really, about how they grow plants in their garden and go to hunts and read.

He was right. The more Sam learns about Cas the more he likes the dragon, although he's still worried some. Dean doesn't mind. He's sure that when they get face to face, they will get along great. Sam gets along great with everyone.

After that, it's Dean's turn to ask about Sam.

Sam's an apprentice by a man who has a printing shop, and he also teaches rich, noble youngsters to read and write.

He really must be embarrassed about his illiterate brother, but he doesn't show it.

Also, Sam has a fiancée, a nice girl who technically isn't his fiancée yet because her parents haven’t said yes, but Sam is sure. Dean's happy for him, but can't silence the little annoying voice in the back of his head that hurts because Sam hasn't told him about this sooner, or at all. Then Dean remembers that Dean wasn't even anywhere near a village in a year, so Sam would've had a hard time messaging him in the first place.

'How did you find out about the sacrifice, anyway?' Dean interrupts another lengthy description of Jessica, Sam's fiancée who must be awesome but Dean'd rather meet her in person than listen to this any longer.

'I tried to let you know about my proposal to her’ Sam answers, and looks solemn at once. Something eases up inside Dean, a knot probably. 'But the messenger couldn't find you in time and I had to make a move. Then I got word from Bobby of all people who said you had been sacrificed to the dragon, and I left Jessica and came back, met Bobby but he didn't know anything except what everyone else did, that you had been roped to the pole and the dragon took you away... Dean, it was horrible. I was sure you were dead. It didn't even occur to me that you could be alive. So I found and hired Benny-'

'Do you know what he did to Cas?'

Sam has the decency to look guilty.

'Look, if we had known he was a friendly dragon we wouldn't have done anything, I swear...'

'Okay, I get it. At least you didn't kill him on the spot. What did he do?'

'Well, he said that dragons are hard to kill because their scales are thick and they have no soft spot. So he had this spell, with a sigil drawn on the ground and everything, and well. I was roped to the pole, so I didn't see much of what he did but-'

'You what?!' Dean exclaims and nearly jumps to his feet, furious.

'I- I volunteered to be a sacrifice. A bail.'

'You- Sam, sacrifices aren't voluntary.'

'I know. I um, I actually stole some horses and hoped it would do. The elders chose me.'

'Wow. Sammy. How could you?' Dean grins. His brother, his always obey-the-law and don't do wrong brother actually stole horses to save him. How cool was that? 'And the elders actually ate it?'

'Yeah' Sam nods. 'So we waited, Benny hid in the bushes and when Cas arrived he did this spell, and Cas- he turned into human, to that half-human winged thing anyway. I've never seen anything like that before. And Benny tried to attack, but Cas just flew away, so Benny rode after him. It took some time for me to unbind myself – I had a knife – and fetch my horse and go after them, but we hid the horses close to the sacrifice's spot so I didn't lost track of them.'

Dean is having mixed feelings. His brother went through all that trouble, right before he was about to get married, and Dean's warm on the inside because he knows that Sam cares a little. Maybe not enough when he's alive, but enough when he's supposed to be dead, and that's something. On the other hand Benny hurt Cas, badly, and Dean's seeing red because of it.

'You really haven't seen this form of Cas's before?' Sam asks.

'No.'

They sit in silence for a while.

'But he must trust you' Sam starts. 'Otherwise he wouldn't have let you to stay with him, and told you all those things.'

'It's not many things that he told me about himself'' Dean corrects. 'Sure, about general stuff, he's talkative, but I barely know a thing about him.'

'How much did you tell him about you?'

'What? Why?'

'Just asking, Dean' Sam sighs.

'Well, I've told a lot about you' Dean stops and thinks. 'And mom, as much as I remember. I mentioned Bobby, and some of my encounters with ladies...'

'How about dad?'

'How about dad?' Dean repeats, though in an entirely different tone than Sam. More threateningly than he’d like, actually.

'Did you tell him about dad?'

'Not much. There is not much to tell about dad. He wasn't around and when he was, it would have been better if he weren't. Now I don't even know if he's alive.'

Sam bits his lip like he's not sure he wants to say what’s on his mind, but then just does anyway.

'Maybe he didn't tell you about himself because of the same reason you didn't tell him much about dad. Maybe it hurts him. Maybe he just can't say those things. Maybe he doesn't know how, without actual words.'

 'He could've changed, and talked' Dean reasons only half-heartedly, because Sam has a point. And Cas never queried about dad. He let Dean talk when Dean wanted but that was that. Cas understood. Maybe he understood it more than Dean thought. Maybe they’re alike in that aspect as well; they have a past they’d rather not bring up, and a side of themselves they’d rather not show.

'If he's so vulnerable when he's human, then he just didn't want that' Sam says.

'He could've trusted me. I would never hurt him.'

'Maybe-' Sam starts, then stops. He looks up to the setting Sun, and Dean just realizes how long they have been out. But then again, they didn’t wake at morning but after midday, so maybe it’s not that long. 'No, definitely. I think he definitely trusts you, but he doesn't want to risk his life. You've known each other for not long...'

'A year, Sam. How is that not long?'

'Why, do you know how old he is?'

Dean's answer dies on his tongue. He actually has no idea, so he shakes his head.

'Benny told me he did some research, and Cas must be hundreds of years old. Five hundred, at least. Benny needed to know it for the spell. So if you look at it for Cas's point of view, you've only known each other for a very, very short time.'

Dean knows Cas is older than him, and he’s said some stories of long ago, but he had no idea how long ago that long ago was. He can't imagine five hundred years. He can't compare it to his not even thirty years. But he understands that one year compared to thirty is nothing like one year compared to five hundred.

Funny how it takes Sam less than a day to figure this stuff out about Cas, whereas it was Dean who’s been living with him for a year. This is why Dean says Sam is the smart one, even if Cas doesn’t see it.

They don't talk much, after that. Sam senses that Dean needs his time to think everything through, so they just nod at each other, and decide to head back to the cage and see if Benny had luck with their dinner slash lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for having you waiting for so long. As I've said in some of the comments before life got bad for me and I somewhat abandoned the fandom & the ship, but now I feel okay enough to finish this fic. Not in the way that I originally intended but it's something.  
> Also saule's been kind enough to nudge me enough times to get it done, so thank her. 
> 
> Another chapter to go.


	5. He's shouting your name and he's asking for more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter, and it gets a bit heavy - check the notes on the end for specific trigger warnings if you want to be sure.

When they arrive back Sam makes a fire in the small room he chose with Benny, and Dean would help except he didn’t light many fires in the last year - perks of living with a dragon. So Sam does the work, then they hear footsteps and sure thing, Benny’s back with a few rabbits and some kind of a bird.

They prepare mostly in silence, and when their food is roasting invitingly and it’s completely dark outside Dean heads to his bedroom to get Cas for dinner. He thinks through what Sam's said- they really should try to understand each other, that's all. And he's planning on doing just that, because if there's something he doesn't wanna do it's losing Cas. Dean rushing out on Cas had been really childish, and he needs to make it right. He wasn't good it enough for his father and he's certainly not good enough for Sam but he can be good enough for Cas.

Besides, he himself didn't share everything with Cas. How could he even blame him for not revealing something that could cost him his life?

The tiny voice of betrayal is still in the back of his mind, but Dean does his best to ignore it. Sam is right. This doesn't mean that Cas doesn't care, or that Cas doesn't trust him, just that Cas doesn't trust him enough, yet. Which can be fixed. Dean's not leaving anytime soon. He’s determined on making this right for the both of them.

The sun is barely lighting the room when Dean gets there, and he immediately knows something is very, very wrong.

Cas is sitting in the furthest corner of the room, hunched in on himself, knees drawn to his chest and there's blood covering him, everywhere. He's shaking and swinging back and forth and he's peeling something off of his skin that Dean can't make out from that distance with the poor lighting. His shoulders vibrate violently with his muted sobs.

'Cas!' Dean runs to him and drops to his knees, and it hurts but it hurts even more to see Cas like this. He grabs the dragon’s too-human shoulders after a brief amount hesitation, because he doesn't want to cause pain but he needs to comfort. 'Cas, what the hell... did Benny do this?' Even though Benny should’ve been away getting food, but maybe he sneaked back up, maybe he came back earlier and bypassed Dean without him noticing, maybe Dean wasn’t careful enough…

Cas just looks up at him with those impossible eyes and it takes a second for him to focus. His cheeks are stained with blood and tears. When he does realize that Dean is in front of him his breath catches in his throat, his eyes widen and he brings one hand to Dean's hand resting on his cheek.

'You came back' he exhales, and a smile erupts on his face, calming Dean instantly.

'What sort of a stupid question is that, of course I came back! I never even went far…'

But Cas just smiles and looks so genuinely relieved that Dean can't even get himself to be mad at Cas for supposing he would go without a word. The dragon's breaths return to a normal rate, and Dean's heart slows the tiniest bit at the improvement.

'Cas, please, what happened to you?'

'I thought you left' Cas just states.

'Yeah, I know, but I didn't. Why are you so bloody? Who hurt you?'

'I did' Cas says simply, and opens his other palm, the one not grabbing Dean's hand, to reveal a few pieces of bloody scales.

It takes about five second for Dean to make sense of Cas’s words, then. After that, it’s like a punch to his gut and he wishes that it _had_ been Benny to do this, because the alternative is starting to suffocate him.

Cas has been peeling off his own scales. His own skin.

He is covered in his own blood because _he's_ hurt himself.

‘God, Cas... stop that' he covers the open palm with both his hands, and notes how cold Cas is. But he isn't shaking anymore, thank whoever deity is listening to Dean. 'Why the hell would you do that?'

'I though you left' Cas supplies again, and guilt drapes Dean like an well-fitted cloak.

'You... oh my God, c'mere' Dean grabs Cas's head and draws him to himself, so Cas is stated against his chest, and the dragon's wings are blanketing them. Cas inhales deeply, and just holds on to him tighter.

He’s cold, and sticky with blood but Dean doesn’t care. His only worry is of hurting the dragon even more, but he decides that Cas probably wants physical proof that he’s back more than anything else. Since Cas doesn’t protest he supposes he is right.

'I didn't, Cas, I wouldn't, how can you think that?'

'You left with your brother' Cas whispers, and Dean is suddenly surprised how he can sound so calm when he had been sobbing not two minutes ago. 'He doesn't like me.'

'He doesn't own me, Cas. I'm not Sam's to be ordered around.'

'But you are not mine either' the dragon says, and it sounds sad.

'I could never leave you, okay? Listen to me, I couldn't, it never even crossed my mind.'

Cas allows himself a small whine.

'I want you to stay' he says, quietly, 'but if you want to go I understand. I won't lock you in.'

'Do you even hear me, Cas? I don't want to leave. I won't leave. Now c'mon, we need to clean you up.'

Cas clings to him with all his might as Dean guides them to one of the many water-streams inside the cave. He cleans Cas's wounds, and Cas doesn't even hiss but it must hurt like a bitch, having water in open wounds. And most of his skin is practically covered with open wounds, but once the blood is off Dean is relieved to find it's not that lethal. It could be worse, at least. Dean's heart aches at the sight all the same.

Many scales are missing, mainly on Cas's hands, arms and shoulders, the places he could reach easily, and there are some gone from his face and limbs, but it’s definitely not lethal. If he doesn’t get an infection he should be fine. And even if he does, he is a dragon, he can probably take more than a human would. Probably.

Dean desperately hopes so.

So he helps Cas to get up to the garden on the roof and makes a tincture from their herbs and puts them on Cas. He now looks a tiny bit ridiculous, with green goo covering a good part of his body as Dean was applying it richly. But he looks lost, just standing as the upcoming moon lights his features, and there is something ancient in his eyes.

'You need rest. And food. Come on' they make their way back to their room and Dean arranges Cas, his wings and his tail in the middle of the fur-bed. Cas grabs his hand again with both his when Dean wants to leave.

'Please stay' his voice is a broken whisper, and Dean runs his hand through the dragon's hair. He's tempted to kiss Cas's temple, but he refrains.

'I'll bring you food, I will be back. Promise.'

Cas lets go then, curls in on himself, and Dean rushes down to Sam before the sight keeps him beside the dragon forever.

Sam and Benny are by the fire, two of the rabbits already done, the others roasting now.

'What's up?' Sam stands, but Dean gestures for him to stay away.

'Cas, um... he won't come down now. I need to stay with him. I’m taking our food up.'

‘Is everything okay?’ Sam’s immediately suspicious, while Benny furrows his brows.

‘Well, not really. He’s in a bad shape. You two just stay down, I’ll take care of it.’

‘Alright’ Benny agrees and stands up, too, and gives Dean the two already done rabbits.

‘If you need help, of any kind, we’re here’ Sam reassures, and Dean just nods.

'Thank you.'

 

He manages to feed Cas some before he himself can eat. He climbs in with Cas, careful not to touch his wounds, but it's near impossible when Cas snuggles him and noses his jaw like a cat. Dean settles with stroking his hair again, deemed as a wound-free zone, and he manages to fall asleep to the evened out breaths of Cas a few minutes later.

 

 

The first sunlight of the next morning finds Dean tangled with Cas under the sheets. It is awkward, even for them, because Dean isn’t used to sleeping with a man. He’s used to sleeping with a dragon, but instead he gets scaly limbs and a head with horns that stick his shoulder.

He finds that he doesn’t care.

Either Cas has been awake before him or they awoke at the same time, because now Dean has a pair of blue eyes fixed on him. It’s the same blue, and despite the other facial differences it soothes him.

‘How are you?’ Dean asks, and he would try to not touch Cas’s wounds but he doesn’t think the dragon has an inch of skin that’s not pressed against Dean.

‘Hm? Oh. Fine.’

‘C’mere’ and Dean searches for Cas’s hand and lifts it above the bed-furs, gently pushes the dried remains of the green herbs aside, and is shocked to see that the skin that way bloody and angry red yesterday evening is soft baby pink now. He’s healed. The scars are there but they would be gone soon, probably by tomorrow at this rate.

‘The hell?’ Dean murmurs as he runs his – rough, calloused – fingers over the other’s scales.

Cas’s hand twitch, as if he’d like to pull it back, but he doesn’t.

‘I heal easily from minor wounds. My scales won’t grow back for a time, though.’

‘I’m sorry, Cas. I didn’t want to do this to you.’

Cas does pull his hand back then, but it is only to smooth his fingers over Dean’s knuckles.

‘I meant what I said. If you want to go, then please go.’

‘Do you want me to?’ Dean looks down at those blue eyes, and he’s still not used to them, not in this face, not in this shape, but the expression he sees in them is nothing new.

‘No.’

‘Then don’t even bring this up again. I could’ve gone and I haven’t, and I won’t now.’

‘But your brother is here for you.’

Dean shuts up at that, because yeah, that never even came up yesterday during his talk with Sam. He supposes he made himself clear, plus he really has nowhere else to be. Sam has his fiancée and his job and his life, and a poor, should be dead illiterate brother’s not gonna help his case.

That’s why Dean was so glad Sam got away in the first place.

And, equally importantly, Dean doesn’t really want to be away from Cas and the home they made for themselves.

‘Well, I suppose… I’ll have to attend the wedding. I mean Sam probably expects it, and it would be nice, meeting her…’

Cas looks truly puzzled, so much that Dean lets out a small laugh, because _that_ expression, yes, he knows it well too.

‘What wedding?’

‘Sam’s apparently marrying a girl he met. He hasn’t invited me yet though. But no, apart from maybe that, I’m not going anywhere. So don’t ever suggest it again, Cas.’

Cast nods, in understanding and agreement, and his eyes are full of wonder as he looks up to Dean again. Dean doesn’t remember anyone looking up to him with that much of trust and… something else before, save the few memories he has of Mum and the early years of Sam’s life.

Cas’s eyes are suddenly nothing like he’s ever seen before, and he smiles and leans down, puts his forehead against Cas’s, thankful that the horns are facing upwards and not forwards.

And now there’s a smile on Cas’s lips, and it’s catching, and next he’s smiling too.

_Gods, he’s missed Cas._

Strange thing is, Cas never went anywhere.

Then the dragon’s smile fades the bit, and Cas cups Dean’s face with his hands. It’s becoming a habit of his, Dean notes without minding too much. Cas hasn’t touched Dean with his human (half-human) hands like, ever before, so Dean feels it’s justifiable.

Fingers trace Dean’s cheeks, the corners of his mouth, his temples. Cas is strong but gentle, and Dean would be surprised if he hadn’t seen him being equally careful in a much bigger form.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t show you this form of mine’ Cas says then, and his voice is still deep and rough, and Dean is starting to really like it.

‘It’s okay.’

‘It isn’t. I would like you to know the reason behind it.’

Dean nods, because he’s too afraid to speak, and he doesn’t even know why.

Cas is so good with words, it’s as eloquent as his movements in his dragon form, and Dean is hit with the want of hearing him more.

‘When you first came here I never intended to show this body of mine. Not even when you stayed afterwards, as it is my weaker form. I’m half-human, and I’m sure that “dragon hunter” has said enough… but then as time passed I wanted you to know, Dean, but we…’ Cas looks away for long moments before taking a huge breath and turning back again, ‘we had our _routine_. I was afraid to change it.’

And whoa, aren’t those big words? A dragon as big as two rooms put together, and he admits to being afraid of something.

And what’s more is what he’s afraid of. Because what Cas doesn’t say, but what Dean hears anyway, and he’s proud for that and thankful for Sam to open his eyes too, is that Cas was afraid of losing Dean. They both were. Because the doors were always open, and Dean could’ve walked out any day, and Cas, bless his heart, wouldn’t have tried to stop him.

 So Cas tried to keep the status quo in his own way, and Dean did as well, because the doors were open and Cas could’ve throw him out whenever. So they kept their secrets secret – not many of them, but the most important ones. Because they both feared this, between them, was temporary.

‘It’s not’ and Dean only realizes he’s said this much aloud when the puzzled look returns to Cas’s face.

‘It’s not temporary’ Dean says, because he’s decided, he’s in it. He wants all or none, and either he’ll stop beating around the bush now or he never will. ‘I want to stay here with you. So long as you don’t get bored with me.’

‘I never will’ Cas promises, and it’s either his voice, his eyes, or his hands around Dean’s nape, but Dean believes him.

He takes a deep breath and swallows hard. He’s blushing, and he knows Cas can probably not only see it but feel it as his face gets hot.

‘It’s that I might… I…’ Gods, this is awkward. ‘I might actually… I just…’

Cas gently lifts his thumb to Dean’s lips, and something might be wrong with him because the sight of those deadly sharp nails don’t scare him to death, but somewhat even arouse him.

The tip of the thumb brushes over Dean’s lower lip, and a shiver runs down his body.

‘I know’, Cas says, ‘I know. You don’t have to say it. We have time.’

Dean puts a feather-light kiss on Cas’s thumb.

‘I know. And you don’t know how glad I am for that.’

‘I might do’ Cas smiles up at him. ‘Hello, Dean.’

 

It’s the first morning of the rest of their lives together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers: there is a rather explicit scene wherein Cas is hurting himself, there's blood and tears and pain involved but everything gets sorted out in the end, and there's no everlasting damage. 
> 
> \-------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> So, this is the end of the journey. As I have said before, I intended things to go a bit differently - I very much would've liked to see Cas punch John W in the face for example, but this fic didn't have that in itself.   
> The self-harm was born entirely out of my own misery last summer, luckily it wasn't as bad as Cas's, but unluckily I didn't have a Dean by my side, and it took me a long while to get over it - and writing it out of myself helped a lot. 
> 
> Also in this chapter maybe the main title gets a bit more sense, which was completely unintended but a nice surprise anyway. 
> 
> So thank you all for sticking with me, and again, apologies for the long wait. (and no, the title is not ironic like that. i'm not that cruel.)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Metallica's Loverman.


End file.
